This article is guest written for The College of Legal Practice by Maab Saifeldin, a black practising Muslim in the corporate sector and law career and lifestyle content creator.
First, before we talk about boundaries, we should define what that means. Boundaries are structures needed for a person to feel safe, secure and respected as an individual. With legal professionals spending a significant amount of their day at work (some junior lawyers reporting up to an average of just under 14 hours a day) it’s vital to ensure your boundaries are met at work too.
When you’re starting out in your career it can be a little daunting to assert boundaries with your employer especially if these boundaries are religious or cultural. While the industry is becoming more diverse and inclusive, it doesn’t take away from the anxiety many people including people of colour (POCs), cultures, religions and those with disabilities may feel when having to tell their soon-to-be employer about the adjustments the employer should make to facilitate for their needs.
The anxiety stems from whether or not the employer will perceive you as a ‘troublemaker’, someone who is going to be high maintenance and potentially use this as a reason to not hire you. You tend to ask yourself, “if I assert my boundaries will I potentially lose out on a great opportunity?", “Will I be making this already competitive industry even harder for myself?”.
My experiences with ‘boundary anxiety’
I experienced this myself, when I was interviewing for paralegal roles before COVID I felt immense anxiety about shaking hands with male interviewers. To provide some context, as a practicing Muslim, I do not shake hands with members of the opposite sex. However, I was so grateful to have been invited to an interview that I didn’t want to do or say anything that could potentially mess the interview up or reduce my chances of getting the role. I knew that I didn’t want to shake hands with men, and I would even pray that my interviewers were women but of course, all of this was outside of my control. One day, I mustered up the courage and sent an email to the recruiter asking him to advise the law firm that I don’t shake hands for religious reasons. I was terrified and I even contemplated not sending the email but when I did, I felt much better. I arrived at the interview and my interviewers (male and female) didn’t extend their hand, we exchanged pleasantries and started the interview. I appreciated the law firm’s respect for my boundaries and the entire exchange wasn’t as bad as I made it out to be in my head.
Even during my training contract interview I felt nervous to let my company know that I don’t shake hands with men and again the reality of the situation was so much better and smoother than what my anxieties made it out to be. This is to show you that the worst-case scenario your mind often creates is not always going to be a reality, and the feeling of accomplishment after setting the boundaries that are right for you, creating a work environment that works for you is so worth it.
Whilst I cannot promise you that having boundaries and asserting them won’t stop employers from hiring you and it won’t make your entry to the industry easy. I can reassure you that your anxiety is valid and it is something many minority groups feel. This however should not stop you from standing up for what you believe in and asking your employer to make the workplace a truly inclusive and comfortable place to work in. It is great that the industry is pushing for more diversity via increasing accessibility for different ethnicities, cultures, religions, disabilities and more. We cannot however stop at simply looking to add more diversity to the employment pool, because these ‘diverse’ individuals also bring with them their culture, history and needs which are different and need supporting and accommodating. In an environment that is predominantly white, male, able and neurotypical, it’s vital to be mindful of these other aspects and needs and make the appropriate adjustments to accommodate.
I really believe that the nerves with setting religious and cultural boundaries for me will never go away, because when you are a minority in a predominately white space, there is immense pressure to fit in. However as I’ve progressed in my career, I’ve realised it is not about getting rid of the nerves, but rather, it is about feeling comfortable in your discomfort and pushing through it knowing future you will thank you for it!
Why it’s important to establish your needs and boundaries
As mentioned previously, your needs and boundaries play a big part in your comfort at work and being your full, true self. We spend so much time at work and we invest our time and energy into our work. Time that could otherwise be spent with our family, friends and even ourselves. Knowing this, why should we not try to be more comfortable at work?
Establishing boundaries is good for you, your colleagues and employer. It helps your employer set realistic goals and expectations whilst also helping co-workers to understand your limits and adjust their behaviour to respect your needs and boundaries.
“When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated.” Brené Brown - American professor, lecturer and author.
Setting boundaries is a form of self-care it helps you with your productivity and allows you to have better mental health which in turn improves performance at work and helps build better working relationship with your colleagues.
An example of this is something I experienced previously in my career which was in relation to another boundary that I set very early in my career, prayer. Prayer is the second pillar of Islam and Muslims pray five times a day, with 2 or 3 of those prayers taking place during working hours. Therefore, I knew from the outset I needed to find a firm that would be understanding of this and to communicate my needs firmly and clearly with my supervisor and team. I always ask during the interview and induction if they have a prayer room or a quiet room I can use. I explain to my supervisor my prayer times, how they change according to the sun, how long it will take me to pray, how long ablution (religious ritual of purification) will take me and how many times a day I will pray. I found that it is super important to be honest and transparent from the outset to make sure there is little to no misunderstanding or communication.
During my first legal job, everyone got so accustomed and used to me going to pray that my colleagues would even remind me of my prayer times when I would sometimes lose track of time during work! Luckily, there was only one time in my career where my boundaries regarding prayer were not respected by my employer, and I took the decision to leave said company as I was not going to compromise on not being able to pray at work.
You will need to ask yourself what boundaries you can and cannot compromise on because you will unfortunately encounter times where your boundaries are disrespected and not accepted. The earlier you personally know this, the easier your work life will be in this regard.
How to communicate your needs in a balanced professional way
To do this you will need to:
- Know what your needs and boundaries are.
- Understand and note why they are important to you; this will help you communicate more effectively if and when there is pushback.
- If this is your first time communicating your needs and boundaries to your employer, practise what you’re going to say while thinking of your reasoning, this will build your confidence.
- When communicating with your employer or supervisor be as transparent as you can, this is the key to being real and keeping that professional relationship with your employer because they can’t help you unless they know the full picture/truth.
- Be clear with what it is you need, how the employer can make adjustment, how and if it will affect your work and any solutions.
How learning to do this at the start of your career sets you up for the work life balance throughout your career
Even if you do not need additional accommodation for cultural, religious, ethnic or other needs, it is still vital to learn how to set your boundaries. As you progress in your career there will be times when you’ll have to speak up and set expectations and boundaries even on your tasks e.g. if you are at capacity and cannot do the work that a colleague asked you to do or if you’re unable to stay after 4pm due to childcare duties. So, learning how to set boundaries now when you are at the start of your career will make the process of establishing boundaries so much easier as you climb up the corporate ladder and progress.
Establishing boundaries and communicating your needs is not easy and takes practice, you may even get it wrong the first or third time. You might bite your lip and try to bear it or ignore that feeling of discomfort, but it is all about practise. The more you practise, the easier it will get and the more confident and comfortable you’ll become.
Maab Saifeldin
Maab Saifeldin is a trainee solicitor working in-house qualifying through the SQE pathway. Between work and studies, Maab creates career and lifestyle specific content to share her experiences as a black practising Muslim in the corporate sector with the intention of helping and inspiring other young professionals.
Follow Maab on her socials for more insight into career and lifestyle content on Instagram, TikTok and LinkedIn.
Watch the full panel recording of 'Accessibility into Law for Black Lawyers" where Maab shares her experience in the law sector as a black Muslim via the link here.
Published December 2022